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Ben sat there. He felt like a total trainwreck. His clothes felt grimey with sweat, his body screaming under that
layer of dirt and his face felt hardened and irritated by his dried tears. He soooo needed a shower but he couldn't tear himself
away from Bastian.
He softly touched that sleeping face... Why? Why was Bastian to kind to him, at his lowest, at his most shamed filled
moments? Why couldn't Ben just stay away from Bastian?
Ben knew. He knew it the moment he set eyes on Bastian. But God, didn't that make him different? Wrong? To let those
kind of feelings to invade him? To want to have a guy hold you and kiss you?
It was a choice, wasn't it? Ben could choose to not act on those feelings. He could choose to live 'normally'. To
be accepted and be like all the normal people. Yes, he could choose.
But Ben wanted Bastian so badly... to even be able to feel Bastian's lips against his would be...
*cough*
Lance: Erm...
Ben: Crap.
Oh God, did Lance see anything? What would he do? What will he say?
Ben felt his heart pound
fiercely against his chest. What will he do now? He hoped Lance didn't think he was... he was...
Ben: I'm... I'm not like THAT!
His voice trembled. Tears was so close to bursting forth, he felt so disgusting
and naked right then. No! He wasn't like that! He couldn't! He was normal... normal...
Bastian felt his head exploding as he awoke from his sleep. What was going on? Everything was swirling into a blend
of noises and sounds...
Lance: Ben... wait...
Ben: Get the hell out of my way!
He so didn't need this. He felt so wrong, so
humilated. Who could understand him? He was stupid, different and odd.
*SLAM*
Lance sighed. If only he could tell Ben how he understands Ben so well...
Bastian: W-what just happened?
Ben felt so helpless. He didn't choose to feel this way. To want to be different and weird. His heart ached horribly.
He never knew how much it hurted to keep his heart hidden. Why? Why did it have to be him?
He was stupid, Ben told himself. Nothing but a useless stupid idiot...
Lance: I didn't mean to cause a disturbance...
But Bastian's mind was off elsewhere. He only accepted Lance's
words as noise as he felt so...empty...
Why was it so... oddly empty and cold without... Ben?
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